You can’t leave them alone a minute….

I have been – mostly – confined to bed for the last few days which has left The Men, husband and Danilo, to their own devices and, according to them, rushed off their feet and exhausted.

Yes, well…..

So I was surprised to find them huddled in front of the computer this afternoon.
It was clear that they had a problem from their body language…slumped and depressed.

It was also clear that whatever had left them that way was not to be revealed to me by the prompt way in which they turned and ushered me out to the balcony with offers of tea.

I drank my tea and they returned to the computer.

Danilo eventually went home and I thought no more about it until I mentioned pulling up some files from the computer.


This sound always means that my response to whatever I am about to be told cannot be reliably anticipated.

What had they done? Hacked into the local animal feed store’s computer? Brought down the government? Bid for yet another watch on eBay which would cost more in customs fees than it had to buy?


They had, I was informed, been looking for fencing wire on Mercadolibre….the local eBay….and because when the computer went down with a virus recently it came back to life with a pirated programme in Spanish from a man working in the prosecutor’s office Danilo thought he could understand how to use the computer, so he was let loose.

He had been doing well until they came across a blog about fine art prints that I had bookmarked….accusing gaze…and they had typed in fine art on the search thingy.
Why would they do that, one wonders…..and in which language…and with what spelling…

What had resulted…it appeared…was a list of sites offering what might indeed have been pretty fine art to some tastes and Danilo had been so startled that he had unwarily pressed a button.

Always a mistake when handling a computer.
Press nothing.
Either the whole screen disappears or worse, whatever it is fills the whole screen and you can’t get rid of it.

Which is what had happened to the Men.
Thus the slumped depression.
They had pressed more buttons – one of which must have been ‘save’ because The Thing came back when they turned the computer off and on.

It had turned into a screensaver..

I took a look when I went to use the computer later…..
It certainly wasn’t fencing wire.

Um. Danilo hopes you don’t think he was looking for that sort of stuff….?

No, I didn’t think either of them were, but in the way that computers always treat IT numpties it had ambushed them and left them up creek sans paddle.
I could almost see it smiling to itself…in Spanish.


53 thoughts on “You can’t leave them alone a minute….”

  1. Oops! I hope you quickly managed to right the wrongs! And I hope you’ve convinced them to leave the online search for fencing wire to you!

  2. No, please don’t bother to give us a link (or a screensaver!). I’m sure most of us can guess. And the numpties who can’t? Their ignorance shall be their shield!
    The first time I ever used a computer(paid time in the local library) a similar Thing had happened. All I could get was **’s 24 hour live fuck line.
    A little boy at the next terminal fixed it for me. Grinning.

    1. I have a horror of something like that happening in internet cafes…I would have, in the deathless words of The News of the World, to make my excuses and leave…at the double!

      I bet that kid dined out on that, though….for years!

  3. Years and years ago we acquired a computer guru when he was young and poor. We kept him busy, not by plan, but by necessity. Now he is in a corner office, but he still comes quickly when the old ladies get themselves in trouble…again. Moral of the story–if you find a young geek, feed him and pay him a little extra, too.

    1. I’m sticking to the man in the prosecutor’s office…unless he suggests anyone else. He did what he said he would do, didn’t lose anything and wouldn’t take payment,,,but we can invite him and his wife out for a meal, which will be a pleasure.

  4. Bloody men! Why do you think I never allow my husband to touch my laptop. I can’t tell you how many times he has clicked on wrong buttons and all sorts of crap appears. He then panics and leaves me to sort it out (not easy for me as you know).

    I assume your few days in bed means you haven’t well. If so, I hope you’re better now xxx

    1. Ah yes…the panic and run syndrome…..and I don’t find it easy to sort things either.

      I’m not feeling too well so I’m off to let the hospital take a look this morning.

  5. Ha ha no wonder they rushed you outside for a cup of tea. I hope that you are feeling better. Presumably you managed to change it back to it’s original look. Take care Diane

  6. Apple, say I. And the only pron in this house is Land Rovers. Men for you, what can I say except hope things improve re health and silly French. Are the two connected or are you just suffering current seasonal ailments?

    1. Silly French don’t help from a stress point of view at the moment, but even I can’t blame them for my current ailments…..though given time I’ll think of something…..

  7. Priceless, Helen! 🙂 As you know i’m fortunate to have a husband who’s a computer geek, but the stories he can tell of people he’s helped who have done exactly the same kind of thing as The Men would fill a book. Why is it that the most innocent of search terms can bring up such extraordinary sites?

    Sorry to hear that you’ve not been well and hope you are now fully restored. The weird weather doesn’t help….

    1. Yes, i remember once looking for a particular type of grass….yes, you’ve guessed it, it brought up sites for the most extraordinarily named marijauna varieties….imagine a police raid on the computer after that!

      I’m not feeling too well so we’ll see what the hospital comes up with….probably a dose of jallop!

  8. LOL! Perhaps the fun had in discovering what they’d been up to was the point… a little bit of distraction while you were feeling ill. Prayers coming your way that you’ll feel better soon!
    Abrazos xxxxxoooooo

  9. Brilliant 🙂 I get to deal with the IT glitches the other half manages to ‘cook up’.
    He and his laptop have a love -hate relationship. He views it with a huge amount of misgiving and in turn it loves to mess him about!

    Take care and hope you are feeling 100% soon.

    1. I have that unlovely task…and I’m totally hopeless at IT.
      We currently have three browsers running to run various things he wants which won’t for some reason run on anything else…all have strange and mysterious lapses….and this is after it came back in pristine condition from the miracle worker in the prosecutor’s office.

      The hospital were super, think they have it sussed and I go back next week to check that all is going well.

  10. Thank your lucky stars it was only a saucy screensaver. The last time I let a man run rampant with my computer (to *clean* it – the only kind of cleaning that he was interested in), he managed to wipe ALL my files irretrievably.

    1. They were making bacon this morning while I was away……inverting the sugar and salt ratios….

      Thank you, i do feel ropey but the hospital seem to have things in hand.

      1. Would they be better separated for a while….or is it better to keep them together. At least then you know where they both are.
        Sweet bacon is quite popular but we’re supposed to be cutting back on the sugar.
        As for feeling ropey, just make sure you don’t reach the end of your tether! All good wishes. Axxx

  11. Poor boys – wanting to cover their errors and not able too! That’ll teach them not to play with anything with a plug.
    Feel better – glad to hear that the medics seem to have a handle on it.

    1. Neither of them thought that I should see it….quite rightly as it turned out! I could quite see how it would startle one leaping out on the screen in all its horror…

      Still somewhat amazed at the hospital visit this morning….I’ve seen my husband going through specialist appointments but to be admitted in emergency and seemingly whooshed through most of the other relevant departments, initial test results available in under an hour, diagnosis made, treatment given and sent off with the appropriate (and only the appropriate) pills and potions in under three hours was quite something.

  12. I’ve been absent from blogland for a few days, so sorry to hear you’ve been ill….sounds a bit dramatic at the hospital, but I do hope all is well by now. This is another great universal moment, captured with expertise….poor man and friend, they stood no chance of a cover up did they ? Hilarious. Jx

    1. The hospital was a great surprise….the NHS was always good for me, can’t say the same for the French system, but this really was service at the gallop and I am on the mend again.

      Man versus computer…we know who wins….

  13. Haha! have to admit it’s a rather amusing story, though totally infuriating for you. Maybe should take it to the computer hospital for a check up. Talking of which I am glad that you are out of the hospital and on the mend, Helen. Take care. .

  14. Got the giggles over your guys’ predicament. I’m only saved from this sort of thing because I have an Apple. For some reason they’re more impermeable. Had a scare yesterday when I tried to search for a good phrase to say “I’m soaking wet” (it was pouring rain). I clicked on something that brought up…well you can just imagine. Luckily, being a woman, I knew how to exit. FAST! I’m glad you’re feeling better and glad to have found your new site.

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