Dear Puzzled of Honolulu….
Unaccustomed as I am to the role of Agony Aunt, doling out sympathy to Distracted of Devizes, a blast from the hosepipe directed at the vitals of Lustful of Lostwithiel or suggestions of a good book and a bus pass for Bored of Balham (and wouldn’t you be if you lived there) I felt that I could not ignore your predicament as set forth in your post of today’s date: Wacky Wednesday Walk.

With all the sophistication to be expected of an experienced ‘flaneur’ of the K Streets of Honolulu you can take in your stride the notion of three young male singers being labelled as ‘The Three Fruits’, an internet cafe which forbids potential clients from trespassing on its premises and the delights of a Japanese discount store where it seems that live octopus have taken possession of a range of televisions….but surfing in Paris was a step too far.

You have doubts as to the viability of such a project…somehow you do not see in your mind’s eye lightly clad surfers mounting the waves of the Seine in the wake of the bateau-mouches under the eye of the gargoyles of Notre Dame de Paris…

You are right to have doubts. Despite the efforts of the city authorities to persuade people that Paris is actually on the sea by dumping tons of sand along the river bank in summer so that right thinking eco warriors can fall off their bikes while ogling the sunbathers, surfing is not a recommended activity…indeed, until a set of norms are invented for it, it is a forbidden activity, French law running on the principle that if something is not clearly permitted (within the limits of the six volumes of norms annexed) then it is forbidden.

Being forbidden, the producers of the tee shirt exhibited to public gaze in a shop in Honolulu should be careful not to step foot in France….
Incitement to upset the fabric of French society by encouraging surfing on the Seine will be viewed with severity, and, given the state of the public deficit, probably punished by a fine equivalent to at least one percent of the Gross Domestic Product, currently running at several leaky nuclear power stations and a few striped jerseys.

Situated as I am at this moment, on a balcony in the Costa Rican countryside wondering whether plunging my feet into a bowl of mango pulp would be effective in removing hard skin from my big toe I am unable to respond to your request for information on surfing conditions in Paris….but I trust to the goodwill of those kind enough to follow this blog to link to yours at Within the K Streets and give you the information you seek.
Though thinking of some of them and their sense of humour…naming no names, Adullamite… you might well be advised to check before use.


37 thoughts on “Dear Puzzled of Honolulu….”

    1. I suppose surfing might be possible if one could persuade the politicians pissing on us from a great height to concentrate their efforts into one section on the Seine upstream…but they would only demand expenses…

    1. My fault….the gentleman who writes the Honolulu based blog wrote a post describing his walk through his local area…where he saw, among other things, a tee shirt about surfing in Paris….a view of his post will make all clear.

  1. Now you’ve done it. You’ve confused your fine community of readers by responding to my silly little story about a frou-frou dog’s travels in urban Honolulu. I expect you will receive demerits from WordPress and a stern warning against any further debasing of your always well written and insightful articles. At least there were upsides. You now know the theme to sing when shopping for Japanese boobie towels at the Don Quijote store and should you ever need a “Surf Paris” tee shirt you now now where to get one.

    1. Demerits from WordPress? I think I’m already on the list of those never to be Freshly Pressed as it is…

      That jingle is appallingly memorable…..dreadfully so…I shan’t sleep now…

      I enjoyed your account of your walk very much…and those kind enough to visit here are used to my ramblings by now…they humour the old crone…
      Well, some of them do…

  2. Did he miss the point? Once can surf on the internet anywhere there is a decent connection. Or is it a misspelling? Perhaps “Scurf In Paris”…

  3. I liked the three fruits. I thought it was quaint. Or perhaps quixotic. Or maybe I mean quijotic? Or just plain chaotic? And as it’s years since I’ve been to Paris I can’t comment on surfing on the Seine. Nor can I recommend any rivers in Andalucía. I have been known to occasionally body surf in the Med, but that doesn’t really count does it?

  4. Very funny, Helen. I was a tad baffled to begin with too, however. Mind you, if they stuck ‘sofa’ before surfin’, it would make total sense, that tee shirt. Perhaps ambiguity is the point. 🙂

  5. Hello Helen:

    This we have LOVED. Such wit and such style are combined together in this post to make it, in our view, essential reading. And what a splendid start to the day.

    Shortly a friend will arrive to whisk us off for the day in his motor car. Alas, we shall not get to Surf in Paris but may find ourselves Beached at the Balaton – certainly better than to be bored in Balham.

    Breathless of Budapest!

    1. I envy you Lake Balaton… builders have decided to work today.
      It could be an anti clerical gesture – they have a range of these – but I suspect it is more to do with double pay so I shall be on coffee break and lunch duties….

      Peeved of Puriscal

  6. I suspect living in the middle of the Pacific Ocean does something to the mind that those of us in the free world cannot comprehend. I note however the authors mental state fits well here….

    1. Indeed it does….an eye for the oddities of the real world!
      Admit it now, you’d love to have a Japanese discount store selling live octopus…or live octopus selling televisions…on your doorstep on the way to the museum as long as they didn’t wrap their tentacles round your bike.

  7. It may of course be a misprint. “Surf in Paris” should actually read “Scurf in Paris”, a reference to the newly-revealed dandruff problem which well-heeled Parisians are trying desperately to hide. Or possibly “Serf in Paris”, referring to the rising number of unpaid, overworked interns.

    1. Ah yes…the new idea of the employers’ confederation to extend the poorconditions and lack of wages of existing interns to all young job seekers….yet another unrevealed part of Hollande’s responsibility pact….

  8. Sniggering of Sutherland here after reading both the original post and your witty response, Helen. Heading off to bed now to dream of boobie towels, with my mind gently boggling at the thought of riding the big one down the Seine…

  9. I have enjoyed your brilliant response to the equally entertaining original blog. It conjured up visions of my first trip to Paris, to one of those summer created piles of sand Seine beaches… I was 14, staying with a French family, whose matriarchal figure ruled that we could not swim….or even move from the beach towel for 3 hours after we had eaten…claiming it was according to French law…. my very first experience of legalistic gobbledegook.

    1. Idle old besom….intended to have her siesta without keeping an eye on the kids!

      ‘Within the K Streets’ certainly gave me a different picture of Honolulu than that of my imagination!
      If you follow the blog you’ll meet some brilliant characters…

  10. Even though I love Paris, and appreciate the wry Parisienne humour, surfing on the Seine is a bit much. It’s like playing drums on L’Empereur’s Tomb with a pair of maracas, whilst farting La Marseillaise.

    “K” street in Auckland, is I believe, the very nest of deviancy and debauchery. Lots of fun.

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