Let joy be unconfined..well, mine anyway…

puris sapo

I can write again!

No, I had not lost the use of hand or eye: I had lost the use of my USB mouse.

I was left with the ouija board on the laptop.

Does it transmit calls from the Other Side?

No…but it might as well because every time I touch it strange things arise from nowhere: I am thinking of calling it Glendower as it  defies Hotspur’s cynicism and produces the goods…

To be fair to it, my coordination is not of the best: but I am frustrated by thinking that I am scrolling down when in fact I am bringing up advertisements….or altering the screen proportions from something only seen on optician’s test sheets to an intense view of one word. Extremely frustrating and profoundly inhibiting.

How did my predicament come about?

My ancient USB mouse had been confiscated by Higher Authority.

Higher Authority’s approach to computers could best be envisaged by imagining him shouting ‘Montjoie St. Denis!’ while hoisting the oriflamme to indicate that no quarter will be given as he prepares to give combat.

The results frequently resemble those of the French at Agincourt…

Squawks of frustration and alarm are heard from the office. Dogs slink under tables.

An infuriated figure appears, announcing that the screen has  turned purple…or that the page he was looking at has disappeared…or that EVERYTHING has disappeared….

He returns to the fray, only to emerge again with the news that his mouse won’t work.

As it is

A: made in China

and

B: its functioning depends on a batch of rechargeable batteries purchased in France in the Dark Ages which in turn rely for boosting on a temperamental machine which refuses to light up to indicate whether or not it is working

this doesn’t surprise me.

The saga of changing and charging batteries takes its course until we run out of charged batteries and the fatal announcement is made:

You’ll have to give me your USB mouse.

Which leaves the household in peace again – odd occurrences of purple screens apart – but leaves me with the ouija board.

Usually this situation lasts only until the batteries are all charged again…but this time it has lasted for all too long. Higher Authority likes my old USB mouse far better than his fiendishly clever Chinese one – easier to hold for paralysed fingers.

Why not buy another?

Because this is Costa Rica where maintaining stock is an art yet to be acquired by shopkeepers.

Discovering a void on the shelf where the item used to be you ask the young assistant if there are any more in the stock room.

Obligingly he will disappear and return to tell you, beaming the while, that they are out of stock, adding helpfully that they must have sold them all..

It says a great deal for the effect on me of the pleasant way of life in Costa Rica in general that this response does not elicit – as it would have done in France – the urge to disembowel the lad without the assistance of cutlery: but then in France he probably wouldn’t have gone to look in the stockroom either…….He might even have shrugged.

So I have had to wait until the inscrutable workings of Providence filled the shelf with the items I required.

The young lad was in attendance again, beaming.

But why did I want a USB mouse he wished to know. They were old fashioned. He understood that old people (me) didn’t keep up to date, but I should really go for a wireless mouse – much better!

I thanked him for his advice, but  declined.

Best to let sleeping mice lie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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41 thoughts on “Let joy be unconfined..well, mine anyway…”

  1. Oh! That says it perfectly -ouija board! That’s just what I’m like when mouseless.I quite expect some distant ancestor to ask me to enter my password…
    But I differ in that I would not surrender my USB mouse on demand.Bugger that!

  2. As the proud possessor of three laptops (there used to be four but I gave one away) I can, and do, take the smug nerd high ground. USB mouse, indeed! Whoever heard of such a thing in this day and age? It’s no wonder you had to wait for ‘new stock’ as they needed to resurrect the one they sold you from the museum basement! Then again, look on the positive side – with you two in the area that tech business has probably been saved from insolvency from so much dead stock that is now getting moved!

      1. one for photos uses wireless mouse; second one uses Blutooth Wacom pen pad and mouse (can write longhand with it); my main machine uses Ubuntu operating system with normal touchpad – e-life is easy!

        1. Blutooth I have heard of – once convinced that it was not a Viking – Wacom sounds like the noise I would make using it – and just what do you mean by a normal touchpad…’normal’ indeed…paranormal more like.

  3. Disemboweling unhelpful shop staff? That sounds a good idea!
    Not sure how he gets the purple screen so often but I will not ask.
    Glad to know higher authority stopped you writing and not overwork.
    If he is recovering so well you must acres of spare time now…what?…oh!

    1. I think the purple screen is a result of trying to alter the colours to something readable….but I treat his computer like a slumbering volcano – best given a wide berth.
      Spare time…i wonder what that might be…?

    1. I have a ‘smart’ ‘phone which is considerably smarter than I am…and yes, i have tried its keyboard – with disastrous results as regards accuracy and my blood pressure…..

  4. I have two wireless mice in my drawer – hateful things – only want to talk to the computer when it suits them. Ditto wireless keyboard. I am now happily reattached by solid cables.

  5. Glad that you are back in contact with the outside world. I’ve never seen the point of wireless mice – they have to be reasonably close to the computer, it isn’t as if you can use them from 50 feet away, so you may just as well use a USB mouse. Which is what I do. Unlike the spouse who has to have a wireless jobby, using the cheap batteries, which run out all too soon, so more have to bought …. and really they end up not being cheap at all.

    It sounds as if The Master is back to full fighting strength – you must be glad about that. 🙂

    1. What is the point of a wireless mouse?
      Things are not improved here by the annual refusal of my offer to buy more rechargeable batteries – and a charger -when in Europe. (Batteries here cost an arm and a leg).
      No! They were bought in order to save money…..not to be replaced….

      I buy a couple of packs of ordinary batteries when over and keep them tucked away so that if anything vital needs a battery I have one.

      He’s recovering…but it’s a slow process, thus more time spent turning computer screens purple.
      He has physio sessions and exercises which are quite tough but necessary to try to restore his physical balance but as yet is not too good on his feet.

  6. Oh I love this. And you. I’m smiling and so happy I know you because I get to start my Friday and weekend feeling good. What started this good mood? Your words, that you didn’t lose the use of a hand or eye! Now if that ain’t love, what is? Have a great weekend to you and your gang.

    1. I’m enjoying the post breakfast peace…animals snoozing….before the maelstrom of friends for lunch begins!
      I liked the proposed book cover…have a good weekend!

  7. I can’t use the ouija board either. I am constantly ridiculed for using a mouse and the ones I buy here are rubbish so I have to replace them often. I also have great difficulty in using the keyboard on my smartphone (the smartphone I never wanted which sat in a drawer for months until I was forced to use it). I’m really not happy with technology.

    1. Horrible things, aren’t they! I didn’t want a smart phone either, but was forced to when the lines went down and repairs were taking too long thanks to some bright spark at the electricity board signing the job as being completed when in fact the technician had just come out to check what was needed.
      I remember the joy of the secretaries though when I bought a word processor…my handwriting was and is dreadful…..

      1. Sorry to be unfaithful to the female club, but I never had problems with wireless mouses, I think they’re easy to use especially on a desk full of clutter. My iMac is however still a mysterious companion even after 5 years, but he will not I repeat not get me under I will struggle till the end. If the ouija board is the thing under the laptop to scroll it is indeed a horrible nuisance, I thought other people didn’t have any trouble with it and that I was the clumsy one. That makes my day (evening). By the way Helen I love your ironic view on life, you are a talented observer

        1. I know that they save clutter but, here at least, they seem to run through batteries at a great rate of knots.
          What is an iMac? I imagine it is from Apple, but can’t visualise it.
          The ouija board is indeed that horrible scrolling device….and you’re not alone!
          Thank you for the compliment…when there is so much that you can’t change of fix all you can do is observe and report!

  8. The ouija board is a nightmare. If I have to use it then I do not use the laptop!! As for wireless mice they do not like me. My previous boss in the UK used nothing else but a wireless mouse, he would then say you try this and the mouse put its feet directly in the air and die! He would pick it up and the ears would perk up and come to life again. Too much electricity in my body was his verdict in the end but who knows. I will stick to my USB mouse and hope I can continue to buy them when each when dies.
    Hope you are both well, have a good week, Diane

    1. Forgot to add I have a 15 year old Nokia phone and I hope that I never have to take on a smart phone or one that knows what a photograph is!!!!!

      1. Too much electricity in the body…so no good for my mother who can alter compasses and stop battery watches dead….
        Long live the USB!
        My smart phone sneers at me.

  9. In the months immediately preceeding his death I strove to teach my father (nuclear engineer and physicist who had been using mainframe computer’s since I was in Startrite single bar navy shoes and ankle socks) to use a PC. A doddle you would think. Wrong … the mouse absolutely floored him. He would push it around in large arcs so the cursor was never on screen and then bash it hard). In the end I taught him keyboard shortcuts for as many things as I could. tis my belief it was the mouse that done for im.

    1. Ah,there is the scientist! If it won’t work…bash it! They introduced computers,vast things in glass rooms,when Leo was on the Stock Exchange…he reckoned the men in white coats in charge of it fed it bananas on the sly.

  10. bene, felice che tu abbia ritrovato la strda, le vie invisibili di internet conducono ovunque , ma soprattutto incontro alla speranza di imparare a vivere in pace in un mondo migliore
    giorni felici a te e alla tua buffa rana

    1. Perhaps the conduct of world affairs should be left to amateur bloggers – we seem to be a good humoured, well intentioned lot on the whole.
      Lovely to hear from you….thanks to the ouija board I haven’t been making many comments lately – that can be remedied!

  11. I use a USB mouse too. Basic but works! I have a wireless mouse at work that, for the moment, has not caused me any grief. Useful to reduce the quantity of untidy wires that have to be managed.
    I hate the ouija board too. My laptop is plugged into a large, wide screen and USB mouse. 🙂

  12. So it’s Higher Authority’s fault that we’ve all been missing you? Welcome back. I’m with you on the necessity of the USB mouse and a full-size keyboard for efficiency. I’m happy with my laptop’s 17″ screen, but like you loathe the ouija board and haven’t had the best of experiences with a wireless mouse.

    Very glad to hear that Leo is improving, albeit slowly. It sounds like he’s getting the right help, which is good to know.

    1. I was surprised to find just how inhibiting it was to have to use the ouija board….writing letters was a nightmare let alone blogging.
      Leo is doing well, considering the damage consequent to these attacks – but he finds cornering difficult!
      The health service here has been super with good follow up – his diary seems to be choc a block with appointments this month.

  13. I can’t see what’s wrong with a USB mouse. I have one and it’s totally reliable. Don’t see the point of a wireless mouse, especially if it’s liable to malfunction, as your commenter suggests above.

    The totally nonchalant attitude of the shop assistant who reported the out-of-stock situation would be amusing if it wasn’t utterly frustrating. Clearly he missed the “ordering new stock” module of the training course.

    1. The local shop assistants are wonderfully kind…nothing is too much trouble for them: but the leap of imagination from going to look in the stock room to the idea that the customer might actually want the item sought is lacking. But after France I’m just delighted that they are pleasant.

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